When You Need a Self-Intervention

My revelation on the PA Appalachian Trail

Wow, we have so much to catch up on!

Before we even dive in, I wanted to give a huge thank you to the local outdoor shops and communities in Wyoming and Montana for hosting me on the Dream Trails Road Show with Mountain Hardwear. At each stop we held a screening of Ridgeline followed by a Q&A, plus a design-your-own-hat station, and raffle giveaways of my “Big 3” MHW gear items (tent, sleeping bag, pack) from the PCT.

It was awesome getting to connect with fellow outdoor lovers in new-to-me places. In the mornings before hitting the road for the next stop, I got to meet up with runners from the area to check out local trails and learn a little bit about each place. At each store event, I received so many thoughtful questions and got to meet so many wonderful people.

It reminded me a lot of music touring from waaaay back when I played keyboard and sang in an indie pop band. It’s one thing to write and record a song, but an entirely different experience getting to share it with a live audience, and experiencing being in a new place every day. Creative expression becomes a conversation and connection, rather than just making something and putting it out into the void.

So wow, what a special experience that I’m really grateful for!

Fast forward to this week.

This winter, I came up with a sort of crazy/silly project to take on this summer and fall: section-hike every state of the Appalachian Trail individually, as fast as I can. I love the AT and thought it would be a neat way to challenge myself while experiencing the trail in a different way (I’ve thru-hiked the entire trail once, in the supported fastest known time northbound for women).

I kicked things off this week in Pennsylvania. I wanted to go for the unsupported fastest known time for the PA section. That is, carrying everything you need with you from start to finish, no resupplies, and getting water only from natural sources. Since it can get extremely hot there in the summer, and springs have the potential to run dry, and since my work schedule is busier in the spring and fall, I had basically one window in mid-May to go for this goal.

I had one full day at home in Boston post-film tour, which involved unpacking, moving the rest of my belongings out of my old house with Chris, signing all of the closing paperwork and dropping it off at the attorney’s office, then packing for PA. Sunday I played piano for my regular church job, then off to the airport I went.

I stepped out into the hot sticky air of New Jersey Sunday afternoon and thought, “Well, this should be interesting!”

I got a ride to Delaware Water Gap, which the Appalachian Trail passes right through town and over the Delaware River. I got so excited looking out the car window and seeing the lush green treetops rising above me. I was close to the AT!

I stayed at the Deer Head Inn, the oldest continually running jazz club in the US, a quarter mile from the PA/NJ state. I got there right in time for the band’s second set. I ordered a caesar salad with salmon and glass of rosé, and boogied in my bar stool with the couple next to me. What a fun way to start the trip!

In my room, I laid out all my gear for the next day. I felt pretty proud of myself for packing so meticulously with such a short amount of time in between trips.

Looking at the weather ahead, it was going to be a hot week, and it wouldn’t cool down until some storms rolled in Wednesday night. Then on Thursday/Friday, low temps would shift to the 40s, and there would be rain. I had to be ready for everything!

I didn’t set an alarm for the next morning, because I wanted to be really well rested going into the attempt. I also had a ton of work to catch up on in between trips. I took care of all of the “must-do’s” in the morning before shutting my laptop and walking down the block to mail it and the rest of my travel belongings to Waynesboro, PA near the Penn-Mar state line. I also grabbed a sandwich from Village Farmer, an absolute must if you’re passing through!

I retrieved my fully-loaded Alakazam pack from the inn, and made my way to the center of the bridge over the Delaware River, where I’d begin my journey. I took a quick video and had to yell for my voice to be heard over the huge semi-trucks hurtling by. I checked my weather app and it read, “Sunny today. High of 93º. Not a cloud in sight, so let the temperature guide how you enjoy the day.” Solid and foreboding advice, Weather Channel app!

I set off at 12:30pm at a brisk pace. It’s amazing how fast one can walk on pavement without a rock or root in sight. I cruised along at 4mph like it was nothing! I walked through town, turned left up a hill, and into the forest I went.

Entering the green tunnel felt like being welcomed home. Like last night, the air was hot and sticky, but in the shade it wasn’t too bad, and wow, it smelled so good. The trees, the flowers, the ferns. I forgot how good the AT smells!

My body began pouring sweat as I hiked up Mt. Minsi, but it didn’t take too long to reach the ridge at the top. It was about 1,000ft of climbing over three miles. Not bad! When I hiked the Pacific Crest Trail last summer, the climbs were often much longer (albeit more gradual), so I was pleasantly surprised to be able to pop up onto the ridgeline so quickly.

I ambled along a beautiful stretch of forest road. It was so, so green. I knew Pennsylvania would be rocky, but for now, the walking was easy breezy. So easy, that I missed the next left turn where the AT continued on a single track trail. I reached a powerline, realized my mistake, and backtracked to where I’d taken the wrong turn. 0.6 extra miles for no good reason. I didn’t feel too bothered though- I couldn’t let a silly mistake shake me!

I reached Fox Gap in about 2.5 hours. I went over the first rocky ledge of the trek, Wolf Rocks. The footing was a bit treacherous but the views were beautiful.

It was getting hot. Very very hot. I regretted not bringing more water for this first stretch, as I was going through what I’d brought very quickly. I had planned to refill for the first time at Leroy Shelter 20.4 miles in, but that was still around 10 miles away. Thankfully, right after Wolf Rocks there was a seasonal spring–really more like a pool of water–just off the trail. The water had some leaves, bugs, and even a frog, but it was clear enough! I dunked my softshell bottle in the water, screwed on the filter cap, and drank about 1.5 liters of water right there, then filled up two more bottles for the miles ahead.

Crossing Wind Gap was a little jarring with the loud sounds of traffic whizzing by as I walked through an underpass of the highway above me. I sweat profusely going up the switchbacks the other side. When I reached the top of the next ridge, I found a perfect huge rock, nice and flat on top, for resting for just a minute or two. It felt great to take my pack off and let my back breathe for a second.

The sun finally seemed to be lowering. A cooler breeze picked up, and the trees around me took on a soft golden hue. I decided I’d get to Leroy Shelter, lay down for a little bit, then hike through the night to take advantage of moving through cooler temperatures.

I reached the path to the shelter, and hiked the 0.4 miles or so down to the piped spring. I drank at least a liter of water right there, then filled up three more to take back up the hill with me. I decided to set up at a tentsite just off of the trail.

It was too hot to set up my tent, so I laid it down flat to serve as a ground sheet, and put my sleeping pad on top. I ate some noodles, brushed my teeth and breathed deeply as I sank down onto my mat. The trees above me swayed gently, and a whippoorwill flitted about, singing its song in just about every direction around me, until finally going to rest.

I wanted to reach 55-60 miles total by 12:30pm, the 24 hour mark, so I decided I’d need to start hiking again by 11pm. I set my alarm for 10pm.

I wasn’t able to sleep, but it felt good to rest my eyes and legs for that hour or so. I ate a honeybun and powdered coffee drink, and into the night I went.

I made pretty good time through the night, covering around 18 miles in a little over 6.5 hours. I actually crossed paths with two thru-hikers going northbound. We were surprised to see each other out there, but it was for the same reason: beating the heat!

I made another wrong turn, accidentally going about 1/4 mile down the “winter trail” toward Lehigh Valley Gap. On the way back up toward the actual trail, I spotted a porcupine in the middle of the trail. Scared of me, it began running away. Unfortunately, I had to go that way, so the poor thing thought I was chasing it. So there we were, a little porcupine waddling away as fast as he could from me, and me just trying to get to where I was going!

The actual descent to Lehigh Valley Gap was extremely treacherous. Big boulders with narrow footing that I had to carefully lower myself down on, made more difficult by carrying a pack filled with four more days’ worth of food.

I crossed the bridge over the Lehigh Valley River and saw the first glimmer of dawn. I made it through the night! I didn’t feel sleepy at all, and was amazed how quickly it had all flown by.

I hiked up the trail on the other side, and heard some movement in the trees. “HEY!!” I yelled, in my most menacing voice. Then I saw the outline of a structure through the trees and realized I had already made it to the George W. Outerbridge Shelter. I walked a little closer, and saw two male hikers packing up their things and getting ready for the day.

They brightly said hello, and I sheepishly apologized for yelling at them. They laughed and directed me to the nearby piped spring, which I had unknowingly walked right by 0.1 miles back. The water was just barely trickling out of the pipe. I sat on a rock in the barely-there predawn light, stretching my arm out to collect water while bugs eagerly flew around my head. It was juuust light enough that I could switch off my headlamp.

I chugged my well-earned liter of water, and filled up a couple more liters to take with me back to the shelter where I’d left my pack. As I slid the pack back onto my shoulders, the hikers asked where I’d started, and I told them how I’d gone through the night from Leroy Shelter to beat the heat. They were blown away that I had hiked down all those treacherous rocks to Lehigh Gap in the dark, and had somehow made it in one piece. That made me feel better, because I wondered if I was lame for feeling like that part was really hard!

We wished each other Happy Trails, and up I went on to the next ridge. This one was a meadow of ferns dotted with pine trees. I was treated to an absolutely glorious sunrise and a cool breeze. The sky was pink and everything around me was glowing. This is why I love the Appalachian Trail. Moments like these are pure magic.

I took a brief pause to lay out my foam pad, eat a snack, let my feet breathe a little, and mentally prepare for the day. It would be hot. There would be many rocks.

The heat came, and so did the rocks. So. Many. Rocks. By 8:30am, I was a sweaty mess. I could feel hot spots forming on my feet. All things considered though, things were going well enough! Here’s just a sample of some of the rocks, and these weren’t the worst of it:

I really tried not to get discouraged, and reminded myself things like “One step at a time.” “I love being out here.” “I love the AT.”

My progress remained steady, but slow through some sections, like the Knife’s Edge.

Every northbound thru-hiker I saw commented on the heat one way or the other. I was glad to have people out there to commiserate with! No one was having an easy time, but hey, we were out there.

My spirits were definitely waning by mid-morning. This was really hard. My progress had slowed, and I had to remind myself that I knew these first couple days would be tough due to the heat, plus I was going through the worst of the rocks. It was hard not to just chalk it up to me stinking at this, though.

Then the thoughts crept in of, “Why do I do this to myself?? I don’t need this!”

I made it to the spring near the Allentown Hiking Club Shelter just before noon and allowed myself to rest for the second time. I took off my shoes to let my throbbing feet breathe. I made myself eat lunch, even though I had lost my appetite in the heat. I ate a peanut butter Walking Tamale (this new trail treat I discovered thanks to Raven, these are fantastic!), and my mouth was so dry that I had to drink water with every bite.

I had covered 54.2 miles within the first 24 hours of the hike. To beat Heather Anderson’s record of 4.6-ish days, I needed to average 50 miles per day. To beat Bob Stewart’s record of 4.1-ish days, I needed to average 56.0 miles per day. The trail was hard now, but it would get better. I told myself I was doing great, all things considered.

I picked myself up and began hiking again. I hit another mental low. It was just. so. hot. I stumbled my way through some more nasty sections of rocks. I fell down in a rock field, landing on my shins and hands. This is so stupid!, I thought.

I exchanged a few voice memos with Raven. She knew exactly what I was going through and how I was feeling, and offered the most encouraging words. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry on this trip (I’ve cried enough on previous adventures like these), but I allowed myself to cry as I listened to Raven’s words.

I never dreamed I would think of quitting this hike. I felt really confident going into it. But I was thinking of quitting now. Then I remembered I hadn’t yet slept on this trip. I hadn’t planned on sleeping until nighttime, but considering the heat, and how well the previous night had gone, I decided that maybe now (mid-afternoon) was a good time to try and sleep.

Like the night before, I laid out my tent as a groundsheet in some shade and put my sleeping pad on top, ate some noodles, and laid down for about an hour. This time, I think I was able to doze for around 10-20 minutes. I felt too aware of the clock ticking to truly sleep, so I packed up my things and kept going again.

I crossed Hawk Mountain Road and said hello to some sweaty, shirtless trail runners that had just finished a run and were milling around their truck. They told me “Way to go!” for being out there in the heat and I said the same.

I continued on my way and hiked uphill on a lovely forest road. The temperature finally seemed to dipping a tad. Raven sent another voice memo to check in and asked how I was doing.

I thought about it. I was actually doing okay. Besides my feet I felt pretty good, and I was even in a good mood. But I didn’t want to do this. I confirmed with a text from my mom, and with the trail runners on the road, that the heat wouldn’t break until tomorrow night.

I thought about my plan to hike through the entire night again. Then I thought, this is actually crazy. I literally haven’t stopped in four years. It’s been one thing to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next, to the next. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had unstructured time or no goal-oriented objectives.

In endurance sports, the key is to ignore that little voice in your head telling you to stop. To go into the pain cave. To withstand discomfort.

I thought about my grand plan of attempting an FKT in every state on the AT “just for fun”, and truly understood in that moment what that meant I’d be signing myself up for. A summer and fall of self-imposed pressure and misery. Why would I do that to myself? I can’t have every trail experience be associated with a big goal. I need to have fun trail-time in there too.

I don’t think I’ve ever done a 180 so fast. My decision wasn’t sad or emotional, but just matter-of-fact. I called Chris and told him I think I’m going to stop, and hoped he wasn’t disappointed in me for quitting. He told me he could never be disappointed in me and supported whatever I wanted to do. I also sent a message to my running coach Mario, and he very much supported my safety and well-being over hiking through the night again on even less sleep than before.

I was still on the AT and didn’t really have an exit plan, so I kept hiking up the road as I thought about what to do. There was a town nearby, and I thought about cutting down to the road, but then I stumbled across a beautiful, empty campsite right along the ridge, just as the sun was beginning to set. I set up my tent fully for the first time on the trek, and left the tarp off so that I could enjoy the sunset and the trees gently swaying above me, just like the first night near Leroy Shelter.

The next morning I woke up before even the birds started singing around 4am, had my honeybun and instant coffee breakfast, hiked a few more miles on the AT, then turned off down toward the road, where my parents would pick me up, having driven the hour or so from Philly that morning.

It almost never feels good to quit. In this case, it did. I’d just hiked the first 65.6 miles of the PA AT going southbound in a brutal heatwave and made pretty okay time before I voluntarily stopped. While I’m rethinking my summer hiking plans as a whole, I know with a certainty that I would like to try for the unsupported FKT on the PA AT again. I showed myself that I’m capable of doing it, and would love to try it again not in a heat wave, and not trying to cram it in between doing a zillion other things.

I also know with a certainty that I want to spend a lot more unstructured time on trails this summer, and just get out there and play. I didn’t know until having this experience that that’s what I really need right now. There were so many neat moments on this trip like camping under the tree tops and stars, the pink and golden sunrise over the fern meadow, and even the big rocky ledges with views of farmland and country to either side of me. I got a little bit of the AT magic that I love so much. I’d love to enjoy more of those things without the pressure of time.

I also got a big wake up call that I need to stop making everything a big goal. Not forever, but just for now. And that was my takeaway from this trek. My self-intervention.

Next week I’m returning to PA for different reason: Chris and I are getting married! It’s the beginning of a new chapter, and one that I couldn’t be more excited for. I’m glad to have a little extra time now to just pause and take it all in together. Plus now we have a little extra time to work on our dance moves. :)

💫

As always, thanks so much for reading.

I’m compiling a video of my PA AT adventure, which will be available to supporting members of the newsletter and “Super Feather Friends” on YouTube. I’m mostly excited about sharing the porcupine chase footage- quality entertainment!

I’ve also been collecting fun mementos from my travels that I’ll be mailing out in batches this summer to paid members. Be sure to send me your mailing address if you haven’t yet, and let me know if your address has changed recently.

Huge thanks to my sponsor Mountain Hardwear for making these adventures possible and providing the best gear possible, and my affiliate partners for their support:

Mount to Coast footwear - Use my code PINKFEATHERS for 10% off your next pair of shoes

Strava - Use my code PINKFEATHERS for 20% off your subscription

‘Til next week! ~Mercury